


Surrounded

by CharMarStein



Series: Never Agian [6]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:58:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2558852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharMarStein/pseuds/CharMarStein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It needed to be over, Niall needed it to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surrounded

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments, and critiques are welcome as usual.

He lost his voice right before a concert, before he could even get on stage he messed up. The boys had all been very cool about it saying that sometimes these things happen. Liam had tucked him in and turned on his favorite movie and Harry had complained that if Niall got to stay home he wanted to as well. Louis had even brought him some tea before they set off to do the concert without him.

Niall wasn't interested in the movie though, how could he be when twitter was going crazy. All the fans noticed that he wasn't there, but not all of them were sad about it. Eventually Niall found himself only reading the ones where the fans were happy he was gone. He just didn't get it, how could so many people who didn't even know him hate him so much. Why did they want him gone so much? Why didn't they like him, but those thought eventually lead to, why would anyone like him? And why didn't he just leave forever? 

Niall had started with packing a bag, if the fans didn't want him that was fine, he would go home. Then he unpacked it again because Zayn was his home. He couldn't just leave the band because then he would have to explain himself to not only the boys but Simon as well. He had to go somewhere none of the boys would follow. The only thing that came to mind was if he was gone for good, but the thought scared him. He really wasn't ready to die. 

He couldn't deal with the pull of his mind, leading him to the bathroom. He had gotten rid of all the razors, he really was going to stop, but the thoughts became to much as he pulled a pencil sharpener apart. The boys hadn't thought of it when they were not so subtlety moving sharp objects before they left, but Niall made it a rule to memorize everything he could use in every room he went in. When he was done he took a deep breathe and went to work.

Niall knew that he was bleeding a lot but he just couldn't bring himself to stop the steady flow. He had cut all down his legs and up one of his arms. Dozens of new, bleeding marks showed Niall just how much of a failure he was. He had promised Zayn he would be fine while they were gone, that he would stop but he couldn't, and then after the first cut he cut again because he lied and then another because he lied twice. He hadn't really meant to make so many but now as he stared at the bleeding boy in the mirror he knew he deserved it. 

He was starting to get dizzy so he sat down on the floor leaning against the wall. He was bleeding so much, the blood was pooling around his legs already. His hand was dripping and as he watched the puddles grow he couldn't help himself as he added on more right across his wrist. It wasn't as deep as he would have liked but he was starting to lose feeling in his fingers so really he couldn't have done it any deeper. 

Everything was going black and even though he thought he heard the door open he couldn't be sure, he was just so tired. He felt the blade fall from his fingers and as it splashed into the blood surrounding him he felt someone grab onto his shoulder. At least he thought someone grabbed him, he could have just fallen over and the sharp feeling was really just the ground pressing into his shoulder.

Niall was scared, he didn't want to die alone. He hadn't meant to cut so much, he just couldn't help it. Never again, he promised, but even he didn't believe that. "Never Again" he mumbled, trying to believe himself and then everything was dark.


End file.
